As an example of a glimpse of joy “beyond the walls of the world” Buechner tells the story of the peace and release he experienced through dialogue journaling.
“People have asked me about the closures I experienced when I was going through therapy with that lady in Florida. I had that dream about my mother where somehow she seemed back in business and I didn't have to worry about her anymore.
“But I also received some closure with my father by writing out of the past with my left hand as a way of recapturing the past and having this dialogue with my father who'd been dead for whatever it was, fifty years or so. And that dialogue that I had with him has something to do also with this sort of substratum of joy at the heart of things.
“With my left hand I drew pictures with a crayon until I got tired of that and then I just thought I'll see how it comes out. And in this awkward, childish scrawl, using a crayon and a piece of white paper, this dialogue came out between me and my father.
CHILD: How are you?
FATHER: I'm fine.
CHILD: Long time no see.
FATHER: It's been a long time.
CHILD: Do you remember the last time we saw each other, Jamie and I, that morning in November?
FATHER: 1 remember. You were playing a game. Everybody was asleep.
CHILD: Were you very sad? Were you scared, Daddy? Did you know what you were going to do?
FATHER: I had to do it. Things were so bad there wasn't any good way out.
CHILD: Could I have stopped you, Daddy? If I told you I loved you? If I told you how I needed you?
FATHER: No, nobody could. I was lost so badly.
CHILD: Is this really you I'm talking to? I can't see your face. I've forgotten your voice, your smell.
FATHER: I remember you. I was proud of you. I wanted you to like me.
CHILD: I've been so worried. I've been so scared ever since.
FATHER: Don't be. There's nothing to worry about. That's the secret I never knew, but I know it now.
CHILD: What do you know, Daddy, my dearest dad?
FATHER: I know plenty, and it's all good. I will see you again. Be happy for me. It's my birthday present to you, almost my birthday. I loved you boys. I love you still, child. I love you. Good-bye for now. So long. Everything's going to be all right
“Who's to say what I was in touch with? I'm willing to believe, because the world is full of wonders, that maybe it was my father. Maybe it was some voice within myself, but there's nothing to worry about. There's nothing to worry about. I know plenty and it's all good. Maybe that's true. Maybe that is true.”
Frederick Buechner, The Remarkable Ordinary: How to Stop, Look, and Listen to Life, Grand Rapids: Zondervan, pp116-118
To help you reflect…
What did this passage stir in you?
Is there anyone you would like to try this practice with today?
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